Jun. 19—I was in the shower, scouring the filth from my face, when the interrogation began.
"Hey, Daddy!" my 6-year-old daughter, Arlie, yelled as she burst through the bathroom door without warning, her tone far too upbeat for a Tuesday morning. "What are you doing?"
Although I will never claim to be an expert in parenting, one thing I have learned is that raising a child is roughly 87% responding to questions to which the answers are obvious.
"I'm taking a shower," was my response.
"I can see your butt," my daughter informed me. Just a child, and yet already so observant.
"Yes," I said. "Because I'm taking a shower. Why are you in here?"
Arlie opened the closet where we keep a lot of our toiletries and retrieved her toothbrush and tube of toothpaste.
"I've got to brush my teeth, Daddy," she said.
"Fine," I said, knowing we needed to be out the door within 15 minutes. "But stay focused."
"OK," she said, followed immediately by, "Daddy, which is better: a bunch of puppies or a bunch of chicks?"
"Which is better? A bunch of puppies, or a bunch of chicks?"
"Chicks? As in, baby chickens?"
"You're supposed to be brushing your teeth, Arlie."
"I need help," she said, holding her naked toothbrush in one hand and unopened toothpaste tube in the other.
I reached a dripping hand from the shower and helped my child squeeze a dime-sized dollop of paste atop her brush's bristles.
"Thanks, Daddy. So which one?"
"Which one what?"
"I don't know," I said. "I've never thought about it. Chicks, I guess. Because a bunch of chickens is easier to deal with than a bunch of dogs."
"I didn't say dogs, Daddy," Arlie said, apparently taken aback by my response. "I said puppies."
"Puppies turn into dogs, Arlie."
"You're crazy," she told me, then shoved the toothbrush into her mouth and let it dangle there.
"Daddy?" she said, brush handle bouncing on her bottom lip.
I stopped extricating the sock refuse from between my toes long enough to give my child the exasperated look she deserved.
"You're supposed to be brushing your teeth, Arlie."
"I am, Daddy," she said, although she wasn't. "Can you tell me all the Disney movies you've ever seen since you were a kid?"
"Heck, Arlie. I don't know. There's been a bunch of them."
"Who's your favorite Disney character of all time?"
I used my hand to pantomime a frantic up-and-down motion in front of my mouth.
"Oh, yeah," she said, then finally began moving the toothbrush around in her mouth somewhat.
"Which one, Daddy?" Arlie mumbled as she brushed.
"I really don't know. Ursula, I guess."
She huffed again, toothpaste suds dribbling down her chin and onto her nightshirt.
"No, Daddy," she said, spit flying. "Who's your favorite that's not her?"
"Keep your mouth closed, Arlie. And why can't it be Ursula?"
I'll admit, I was probably more annoyed by her refusal to accept my answer than I should have been.
Arlie spit in the sink, turned on the faucet and began lapping at the water stream like a cat.
"Yes, Arlie," I said, rinsing the shampoo from my hair.
"Which would you rather have: a unicorn or a horse?"
"A unicorn," I said without missing a beat. "They aren't real and therefore would likely eat less."
"Why aren't unicorns real?"
"Because early settlers over-hunted them, driving them to extinction."
"No, Arlie," I said as I cut off the water and grabbed my towel and began to dry off.
Hand on the doorknob, seconds from leaving me to finish getting ready for the day in peace, Arlie stopped to — like Columbo — ask a final question:
"Are you done with your shower, Daddy?"
"Yes, Arlie," I answered.
ADAM ARMOUR is the news editor for the Daily Journal and former general manager of The Itawamba County Times. You may reach him via his Twitter handle, @admarmr.
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